So in one of our extremely inappropriate text message marathons, my good friend Hellspawn informed me of something both amazing and disgusting all at the same time. I'm not quite sure how we got on this topic and as has been proven on multiple occasions, I am far too lazy to scroll through my text logs to find out. And knowing us I probably don't want to remember how this topic came up.
And before I say what this topic is, I would like to preface this by saying once again that I am well aware that I am going to hell. I'm prepared for this eventuality and have come to terms with it.
Okay. So, Hellspawn informed me that there is this woman who died because some highly acidic sperm ate through her stomach. Now I don’t know if this is actually true. But if she did make this up then I am a little frightened about the way her thought processes work. Not that I'm not already.
Now the reason I know I'm going to hell, besides all the other reasons that have already been established, is that I laughed my ass of when I heard this. And that’s really not kosher at all. I mean a person died and that shouldn't be funny. But come on, highly acidic sperm. That's some funny shit.
And then I started thinking about this guy and his sperm. He's got to be the most fucked up X-man in the whole world. Like really, out of the whole array of superpowers in the universe that's what he landed. Sperm that can eat through shit.
And really how awkward must it be for that guy to access his powers in public. Like that just can't be very effective crime fighting.
Then there is the whole code name situation. I'm trying to imagine how fucked up that meeting was. I think that he would be called Spermicide, but Hellspawn thinks that he would be better as Master Blaster. Either way you know the guy is getting shit in the locker room.
But I think we can all sleep a little safer at night knowing that he's out there taking out super villains one blowjob at a time.
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