Hail To The V

I am going to tell you the story about when me and my friends went to see the new Harry Potter movie. Yes this story is a little late, but I’ve been busy with all the turning thirty, the trip to bitter town, and entering a quest to not jiggle when I walk. So let’s just be thankful that I am still around to tell this story.

So on my trip to Dallas for my friend’s wedding, we had to take a moment out of our lives that Friday to go see Harry Potter. It’s my friend’s own fault for scheduling her wedding on the same weekend as the Harry Potter opening. That was just poor planning on anyone’s part.

But we did manage to get out of the house for a while because the groom was too busy geeking the fuck out with his groomsman. I mean seriously, we did have to leave because it was like watching an episode of the Big Bang Theory only live and it was creeping me the fuck out. So we got while the getting was good.

Going to the movie allowed me to experience something that I have never been able to before. We went to Studio Movie Grill. I am not sure why the world did not inform me of the existence of this place, but I am pissed off at it. This place is wonderful. I love the idea of not having to carry popcorn to my seat. I am also a big fan of being able to get a burger and fries or even buffalo wings if I so choose. It’s like God’s movie theater.

Anyway, we got there a little early because that’s I have to get there early. I’m serious if I miss the previews I am such a bitch and no one wants to sit near me. Normally that’s not a bad thing, but I was actually with friends and it would have been weird to not sit with them. But we got there even before the previews started, when they were still showing the commercials. And that’s when it happened.

This thing comes on the screen. At first I thought the previews snuck up on me because this thing was like a high budget looking movie trailer. It’s got all the women in it talking about the cradle of life and the center of civilization. I’m not going to lie, I let myself get a little excited because I thought maybe this was the trailer for the new Tomb Raider movie that I had no idea they were making. That’s when they bust up and announce that it is a Summer’s Eve commercial. (You know you’ve seen this thing.)

There have been only a few times in my life that I have actually cried in a movie theater and this was one of them. Unlike when I was watching the third Lord of the Rings movie, these were tears of laughter. (Don’t even try to tell me you didn’t cry a little bit when the whole city bowed to the hobbits. If you didn’t, then you are a robot.) I mean it was sort of bad. I was laughing so hard I was like a giggly blob in my seat. Not really me at my most attractive by the way.

I seriously thought we were going to get asked to leave because I could not stop laughing. And when the tears started I was sort of getting mad at myself because I really didn’t want to miss Harry Potter because of Summer’s Eve. That would have just been another reason that I wouldn’t be a fan of the vajayjay.

The only thing that got me to stop laughing was when the trailer for the new Twilight movie came on. That brought on a whole different type of tears. And a little bit of vomiting. Followed by an overwhelming desire to just not be living anymore.

So when I walked in, I was planning on seeing Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2, but what I really saw was Harry Potter and the Wildly Inappropriate Commercial Before What Could Be Considered A Kid’s Movie.

Comments

[Spanky]

Ninjas love vajayjay too

[Shannon]

Did it have the racist talking hand vajajays? Because if it didn't, you need to Youtube that shit stat.

[Rachel]

HAHAH. This is awesome.