Another Letter To Lance Bass

Dear Lance,

I have been thinking a lot about you lately. Mainly about the fact that you need to get off your ass and make with the white horse already. It’s hot as hell in the city and I could really go for that arctic level air conditioner that I am going to install in the N’sync themed mansion that you are going to build me. (For anyone who thinks that this is a bad idea or wants to mock the Mans’ync will promptly be banished to the Brittney basement.)

I just think you need to know what you are causing, Lance. I mean the longer it takes you to get with the fucking program, is another minute that my self esteem is slipping into nonexistence. For you information, it wasn’t that great to begin with, so your lollygagging isn’t helping. Sooner or later, I am going to slip into such a deep depression that I am going to be sitting at home with a tub of ice cream, watching a marathon of Drop Dead Diva on Lifetime, and wondering at which point my life took a tragically wrong turn. Is that really what you want, Lance? Do you really want that on your conscience?

And I should warn you, Lance, that I’m seriously thinking about cheating on you. I mean it’s nothing personal because I still love you, but I have developed a very unhealthy attraction to Neil Patrick Harris. And not to point any fingers, but it really is your fault. If you had done the whole white knight thing earlier, I wouldn’t have had the time to watch hours and hours of How I Met Your Mother (Yes, I am aware that this show came out years ago, but I’m always a little late to jump on the bandwagon (ex. everything else in my life)) so that this love could form. So really it is your own fault that I have developed feelings for Doogie Howser M.D..

And this is not just another one of those torrid love affairs like the ones I would have with Ryan Reynolds, the new Captain Kirk guy, or Emma Stone (I have such a homo crush on this girl). This would be like one of those tabloid affairs that would get me on Inside Edition so I could bitchslap Billy Bush or something.

It’s just something that you might want to think about there, Lance. I mean, yes, there are probably better guys out there, or at least less bitter guys, but really are any of them going to give you the cutest celebrity nickname ever, Lawn? I think not.

Yours,

Sean

Comments

[Billy]

Darling,
You get one warning.... NPH is mine, and I will cut a b$%ch ;)

lol