Whore Couture

Friday was free dress day at school. They do this once a month to celebrate all of the people who had perfect attendance for the whole month. Now the problem with this is that the students don’t really wear their uniform to school in the first place. They don’t even bother wearing the one of six different colored shirts they are allowed and just wear whatever the fuck they want to anyway. This sort of defeats the purpose of having a free dress day. But as it turns out, free dress day is really just an excuse to celebrate Dress Your First Grader Like A Fucking Slut Day.

I am sorry, but there is no excuse for a first grader to come to school dressed in booty shorts. It is just not kosher. It is not even acceptable for a first grader to own a pair of booty shorts. I really don’t enjoy having to spend my day averting my eyes because looking at a seven year old with part of her butt cheek hanging out makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit.

Also what is not cool is sending your daughter to school with the word Juicy written across her ass. That is wrong on so many levels. First of all, there is absolutely no reason for a kid that young (or anyone for that matter) to have words on their ass. And it is also scientifically impossible for a seven year old to be Juicy, so there is no need to advertise that fact. I’m thinking about filing a lawsuit for false advertising. I don’t think I could get a whole lot from the families because they can’t even afford to buy entire pants, but it would be about the principle of the thing. And I may not be the most fashion forward of homosexuals, but isn’t Juicy so 2007.

The boys don’t seem to have a problem with coming to school fully clothed. They all show up to school dressed like cowboys, complete with the belt buckle that is bigger than their heads. This proves to me that it is entirely possible to come to school dressed like a human being and not like they are preparing for a double shift on the street corner.

Since these girls actually get dropped off in the morning, I know that their parents know what they look like. How could it be okay in their minds to send their daughters to school in booty shorts? Not to mention the girl, who is a little on the big side, showing up with butt cheek hanging out and off the shoulder shirt, a la Flashdance.

All I’m really saying is that maybe first grade is a bit early to be training your daughters in the ways of the slut. That is something that is best left for second grade. Or correspondence course. Somewhere that I don’t have to see it.  

Comments

[Traci]

I love reading your blog. You are effing hilarious!!

[Tara Filowitz]

I've been reading your blog for a few years now, and while I loved the snarkiness before - now that you're a teacher I ADORE this blog! As a teacher myself, I can totally relate! I love your witty take on the educational world. My only gripe is that I wish you posted more. We should talk, I teach 9th grade language arts and have the battle scars to prove it!

[DanielleR]

Ah! THANK YOU! I have been ranting for quite some time about how ridiculously inappropriate some of the outfits of little kids are lately. The other day I was in line at a coffee shop in our local mall, there were two girls in line in front of me that couldn't have been older then 10, both had on belly shirts, full faces of makeup, and skin tight spandex pajama pants with PINK written across their asses in glitter. They were carrying VICTORIA'S SECRET shopping bags, and ordering giant coffees. All I could think was "Where the fuck are their parents?" I was disgusted that someone let them wander around like that. Seriously, when I was 10 my Mom was buying me hanes undies in the jumbo pack from Walmart ... I didn't even know what Victoria's Secret was!

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