So I guess it should come as no surprise that three days after the Rapture, I’m still here. But then again, if you are reading this, then so are you, so don’t get all pointy with that finger of judgment there, missy. I did throw around the idea of just not posting ever again and letting you all just assume that I had been rapturized or something. And that would have made all your minds just go insane because how in the hell could I have been one of the chosen ones. Really, I’m a homo, I have a potty mouth, and I just don’t really give a shit about other people. These just aren’t qualities that they are looking for in the promised land.
But some fucked up shit did happen in the day leading up to the big day. My favorite being a parent of a child, who I do not particularly care for, stopped me to ask me if there would be school on Monday. I actually had to stop and think for a minute to make sure I hadn’t gotten my dates wrong and Memorial Day was that day. I have been known to spend an entire day bitching about it only being Tuesday only to find out when I got home that it’s really Thursday, but an entire week is a bit of a stretch for me.
So I ask her why there wouldn’t be school. This was a mistake and I knew it before I opened my mouth, but humoring that sheep is in the job description. This is when she tells me that she just wasn’t sure since the Rapture was this weekend if we would have the kids come to school on Monday.
I want you to tell me exactly how you are supposed to keep a straight face when a parent asks you that. I wanted to ask her if she was worried that she wouldn’t be here after the big event. And if she had said yes, I would have been quick to relieve her of that delusion. Anyone who raised the demon spawn that thought it would be funny to climb over the stall in the bathroom to laugh at the little kindergartener using it need not worry about being picked up by Jesus.
I was hoping that she was joking, but no, she was dead serious. And that was just incredibly depressing. I already feel like I spend my days educating the future McDonald’s workers of America, but meeting their parents just makes me want to cry.
Don’t you think that if the Rapture was going affect school attendance, we would have let you know in advance? As much as I would like all the kids to just disappear in the blink of an eye, it is very unlikely that it is going to happen. I mean God hasn’t been granting any of my wishes lately, I don’t know why he/she/it would start now.
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