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So, I am a big supporter of creative writing. It’s not taught much in school and that is a great source of sadness to me. So one of the things that’s so great about being a sub is that you don’t always have to follow the lesson plan exactly. This is very good for me because the lesson plans never have any room for using television as a babysitter, which I am a huge advocate of.

I tend to veer away from the lesson plans and I do like to make room for some creative writing projects. Now the success of this is not always the best because like I have explained before I am in a bilingual class, so they tend to write in Spanish. But it’s all good because I have someone translate for me when I really want to know what they wrote about. I only get some of them translated so to keep the kids on their toes. They never know when I am going to have theirs translated so they tend to not write nasty shit. Now, I know you are saying, what the hell could a 1^st grader write that would be nasty. Well, you would be fucking surprised.

Here are just some of the things that my kids have written.

This first one I am not too clear on because my translator that day was laughing so hard that she didn’t really give me an exact translation. The paraphrasing that she gave me goes like this. “My friend Nick played with his horse. He took his horse to the store. He was robbed on the road and he was murdered. I went to the store and found Nick and his horse dead on the side of the road.”

Yeah. That’s some pretty fucked up shit to come out of the mind of a 1^st grader. Since reading this, I have not been able to look at this kid the same way. Especially after seeing the accompanying picture of someone shooting the horse. If you could get that picture out of your head, then you are a better person that I am.

This other girl wasn’t so much scary as just plain mean. The assignment was to write a story about your family. Well, this girl doesn’t really like her family very much. I looked over her shoulder and asked her what she wrote so far. I thought it might have been a lot because it took up half a page, but it was really only one sentence. “My sister is fat and she likes enchiladas.”

Okay. I want you to tell me how it is at all possible to stand there and hear that she wrote that and keep a straight face. It cannot be done. It just cannot be done. If you don’t laugh at that, you are a robot and I do not support that.

Clearly, I am going to have to be more selective when I give out my writing assignment. These kids should not be allowed to have free range in their creative process. Because I really don’t want to be responsible for anymore fictional horses getting murdered.

Comments

[DanielleR]

I just busted out laughing in my office when I read "My sister is fat, and she likes enchiladas." Priceless lolololol!!!