Does No One Look At The School Supply List Anymore

Dear sweet baby Popeye’s Biscuit, I am so glad that it is Spring Break. While I am usually not so much about school vacations because I don’t get paid during them. And we all know how much I like the money. It helps me with so many things, namely the acquisition of more Popeye’s Biscuits. But I really needed a vacation from the little ones. Now I know why there are so many vacations during the school year. Prolonged exposure to children will increase the time needed in a padded cell, so they give the teachers numerous vacations to keep them from having a nervous breakdown and start giving everyone they walk by F’s. (That’s so the way I’m going to go.)

But I would like to use this opportunity to hopefully change some things about the way things are going at school. I mean this could be a chance to change my attitude but really what are the chances of that happening anytime soon. Instead, I am going to work very hard at changing the shit that goes on in the classroom.

The one thing that I really don’t fucking understand is how the kids are just physically incapable of having a pencil with them. No a single one. And if some miracle the kids come to school with a pencil, the damn thing doesn’t have an eraser because they apparently thought it would be a good idea to bite the motherfucking thing off. No, not chew it up. Bite the thing completely off. I mean I know the cafeteria food sucks ass, but come on it’s got to taste moderately better then an eraser.

So that is what my days have been like for the past couple of weeks. Basically filled with classrooms full of kids who don’t have a fucking pencil. But here’s the kicker. They don’t bother to tell me that they don’t have a pencil until after I have gone through all the trouble to explain what their assignment is. Then it’s all, “I have no pencil.” “Well, then what the hell have you been doing for the past twenty minutes while I’ve been talking?” “I didn’t have a pencil, so I just sat there.” And then I go sit down and proceed to bang my head into the teacher’s desk for the next hour and the kids don’t have to do the assignment. I think that was the plan all along.

Or then there are the times when the teacher is all prepared for such an eventuality and have a million spare pencils lying around the room. But then comes the problem that the kids have no idea how to actually use a pencil without breaking it after writing one letter. Then comes the hour long ritual of sharpening the pencil. Do you know that children do not know how the fuck to work a crank sharpener? It’s just completely beyond their capabilities. And don’t even think about having an electric pencil sharpener. It will be broken within five seconds. These kids can break shit in ways that the inventor never imagined that things could be broken.

This would explain why I have a huge blister on my finger. Because I had to stand there for 20 minutes sharpening pencils. And yes, I am extremely bitter about this. (Among other things.) Because now, my students’ incompetence is leaving marks on my skin.

So parents, I beg of you. Send your kids to school with a fucking pencil. It’s on the goddamn school supply list.

And since a great deal of the kids I sub for are Hispanic, I am going to send this message out in Spanish as well. Sendo your kidsos to schoolo witho ao fuckingo pencilo. Shito.

Comments

[samantha]

This comment has been removed because calling the author pathetic is a sure way to piss him off. Though I do enjoy being told that there are certain things I can be bitter about, but other things are completely unacceptable.

--Sean

[Lo]

Why do people do shit like that?? Don't read the blog if you think it's stupid, assholes! I don't think you are pathetic - I think you are awesome and full of Popeye's biscuit-y goodness (which I'm now craving btw)