Zen And The Art Of Telling Your Boss To Fuck Off

There is something fundamentally soul cleansing about quitting your job. It’s even better when you give them absolutely no notice that you are walking out on them. And, just to add a cherry to the cupcake of life, when they try to say anything, you should scream out, “Shove a slurpie up your ass, my friend.” (This makes so much more sense when you know the nationality of my boss.) I highly recommend everyone do it.

So, if you can’t guess by now, I quit my job. It was very freeing. It was really time to get the fuck out of there. And as an added bonus, it’s been weeks since I’ve smelled patchouli or had to look at that thing they used to cook that looked like diarrhea. Though the real kick in the ass was when I asked for a one dollar an hour raise and they told me that they couldn’t afford it. Now this really wouldn’t have surprised me that much because the hotel is a bit of a shit pool and is pretty much losing money left and right. I mean when there are more roaches then guests in the hotel, you are pretty much asking for it. But it had been two years and I was still making the same thing I was hired at. But then I turn around and find out that one of the girls I trained a few months ago had gotten two raises in the four months that she worked there.

Well, let’s just say that this unleashed a gay storm like you could not believe. I mean I almost broke my fingers from all the snapping and my neck still doesn’t feel right from all the rolling it did. My boss was just unprepared for the bitch fit I threw. His reasoning was something about her attitude being better than mine. (If your first thought was that he was right, we are not friends anymore. You are to leave this website immediately. Go to some other place where your being right will be appreciated. I’ll have none of that here. And check your car because I’ve probably already keyed it.) My response to this was that she might have a better attitude but I just wasn’t willing to sleep with the guests the way she does to get those good comments. Oops. Did I let the secret out? Oh fuck yes I did.

So I stormed out in all my bitch fit glory. And I was perfectly willing to go about my merry way and forget that they existed until the day I heard on the news that the entire hotel got sucked into a portal to hell and my boss is getting a pineapple shoved up his ass. But no, they couldn’t just let it go. No. They had to be a bitch and withhold my paycheck for three weeks because they felt the need to teach me a lesson. I’m assuming it’s that because I refuse to believe that the stupid accounting bitch is so stupid that she can’t work mail. This belief was shattered when I finally got my check to find that she mailed my check two weeks after she said she was going to (Yes, bitch, I actually looked at the postmark.) only to find that she wrote the wrong address. Luckily, the people at the post office weren’t as mentally retarded as this woman.

So now I am left with no other choice but to destroy them. I just don’t understand why people haven’t realized that I am the wrong person to piss the fuck off. I worked the graveyard shift. There isn’t a whole lot to do on that shift. Do you know how I spent my time? Snooping. And making copies of all the illegal shit that my boss was doing. Oh and guess what else I found? The email address to the person at the corporate office who is charge of making sure the hotel is following company standards, which makes her the person who decides if the hotel can keep it’s name or not. Hmmmm. Whatever should I do?

Yes, I may be a jealous bitch. Yes, I might be a vindictive person. But you could also look at it like I am doing my community a service by ridding the world of a plague of cheap bastards and perhaps banishing them to an alternate dimension where they will be forced to watch The Wendy Williams Show 24 hours a day.

I’ll take my humanitarian award now.

Comments

[e]

Go for it!

[Lo]

You are my hero! I have always wanted to go out with a bang and I've never had the balls. Expose them for being a shithole and make my day!

[Rachel]

I don't know what the Wendy Williams show is. but it doesn't matter.

Take em down!

[Candice]

You have nothing to lose at this point, do it!

[samantha]

Yeah for you, but a very sad day for us. I can't imagine where you're going to find such cheap fodder for your stories. I still held out hope for the dead hooker in the mattress tale.

[Toni]

Snap Snap Snap. Do it for all of us that have worked in shitty ass hotels from the beginning of time. I worked night Auditor for a really swanky place and am still waiting to write my book. There is a special place in my heart for you.

Don't stop writing!!

[mulberry factory]

Thanks, I'm going to have nightmares tonight.