There have been a lot of accusations flying around and I would like to address them. I would like it to be known by the world (or at least the tens of you that read this) that I am not a Gleek. I do not like to be addressed this way because…well because the name is kind of stupid. Besides, it’s completely inaccurate. It’s pretty clear that I am a full blown Gleetard.
Case in point. Today I crawled out of bed to go to Half Price Books. For those of you who might be unfamiliar with this wonderful store, it is store that sells books at half price. It’s like The Almighty Popeye’s Biscuit’s gift to cheap nerds. (Basically me.) The whole point of this excursion was because I got it into my head that my life would just not be complete unless I finally read The Lord of The Rings.
Yes, I have gone the entirety of my life without having read the entire series. It’s been part of my lifelong ban on anything that could be considered classic literature. I mean sure I’ve watched the movies, which I am pretty sure is better because the books don’t actually have a sweaty Viggo Mortensen frolicking though them. But still I felt the need to read them. So off I went.
Well, me in a bookstore never goes well. Namely because I can’t just get what I want and get the fuck out. No. I have to fucking browse. Which never ends well because for some reason walking into a bookstore always makes me have to poop. I don’t know if it something they are piping into the air there or if books have some sort of magical fiber power that I was never made aware of, but needless to say it fucking sucks.
But anyway, so I spent the time browsing. I mean I was in there for like two fucking hours. I really couldn’t help it. I start scanning the shelves and I just know that if I don’t look at ever single book on the shelves I will miss the one book that I have been looking for my entire life without even knowing it. Yes, chances are that I will not find that book on the Danielle Steel shelf, but you never know.
So two hours later, can anyone guess what I didn’t walk out of that store with? Yup, the one thing that I went in there for. But you know what I did leave with. Glee The Beginning: An Original Novel. (Spanky, you know which one I am talking about. The one that I totally fagged out over when we went to see Wicked. (On a side note, did you know that fagged is an actual word. I never would have guessed. I just assumed I was being quirky and making up cool words. And now you know. And knowing is half the battle. And the other half involves getting off the couch, which I’m just not all about.))
So yes, I chose Glee over Lord of the Rings, which makes me a true Gleetard. And I still remain one even though I have been waiting forever for Kurt to get it on with that super hot private school kid who I just want to do bad things to. In my defense, the Glee book only cost five dollars while it would have cost me twenty four dollars to get the Rings trilogy. And I’m nothing if not a cheap nerd.
The only downside to this is that now I am going to have to picture the amusing musical numbers in my head and I’m just not sure I am gay enough for all that.
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